Bereavement

My grandfather, 103, passed away today. We had been expecting this since January - he had not been eating properly for about a couple of months now. Winters in India have been colder this year and therefore tougher for him.

Last time I visted India, he had started crying on seeing me. That memory is strong in my head.

I know he had a good innings but I feel terribly sad. He was my last grandparent and to me, he is where I know our family to start.
It's sadder still to understand how my Dad must feel.

I want to visit India, but he has already been cremated. I am also scared of facing the ceremonies which are going to be sorrowful. It's easier to stay here and immerse yourself in the quotidian day.

For I know that whenever I visit home now, I won't be seeing my grand Dad first thing when I get there and wait for him to recognise me. Feel my face and wait for a smile to appear on his face a few moments later.

And while his life was celebratory, this is sad.